Through these empty eyes, I see nothing

Through this empty heart I feel pain.

Through these misconceived words I say everything I want to say

Through your empty mind you hear only what you want to hear.

Through these empty kisses I get nothing

A glimpse of what you’re offering.

Through these empty walls I hear breathing and hearts beating.

Through these empty sounds, there is life but I’m losing it.

Through this empty house I see us shadows of who we used to be.

Through these empty shadows I see the hope of what could be.

Through this empty hope I see nothing, the reality of what we will be.

Swollen eyes,

Sleepless nights,

Howling cries,

Eerie sighs,

Pitch-black night,

Half moon hidden, behind a cloudy sky.

Chilled air,

Bare feet on wet grass,

Blanket comforting the thoughts inside.

The porch swing sways, with the cats meow

Burnt leaves, the left over earth still of life.

The world shuts down as you watch the transformation,

Summer to Fall, and then Winter Begins.

I’ve become horrible at updating this blog.  I just leveled my warlock on wow to 80 and now I must take a break and get back to more creative en devours.   With thanks to a new friend who provided me with the software I needed.  I’m beginning to hate my job, it’s been a year, I was hoping I would make it longer than this, and although I’m not on the verge of quitting, I find myself becoming more and more cynical everyday and I find myself searching through the want adds more and more often.   I don’t feel like I’m in one of those places where everything in my life needs to turn over, but a few changes here and there wouldn’t hurt.  I’ve been going to karaoke more and more, which is fun and a good stress reliever although I think I sing like a wounded hound. lol

Fall is in the air and soon will come the smell of burning leaves.  I look forward to the changing colors, and the process of death which covers the earth and makes everything so beautiful for such a short period of time.

Not to much to say I’m just here living my life day to day, trying to get by, trying to survive, doing what I can to be a good person, and a good friend.  I’ve been blessed with limited chaos and limited disaster and for that I am thankful.

I’m sitting here drinking a hot cup of tea and it reminds me of a fall long ago in a smokey bar in Amsterdam.  We had snuck in side to avoid the football riotters in the street.  We sipped warm tea with Milk and sugar and observed the tourists around us.  We smoke momentarily to an American man who was seated across the room.  I look back on that fall day and how simple it was how mundain and although it was  nothing extroidinary it makes my life now seem less than ordinary.  Some days just down right boring.

I seriously think Tracey thought to herself, what would be the most perfect song for Kandi at this moment in time, and this is what she came up with. And it was perfect…..

When I started my job back in October it was the first time where I had a job, where I could truely say I loved my job.  I liked getting up and going to work everyday, it wasn’t something I felt like I had to do but something I wanted to do.  But with everything things change and lately I just find myself angry, and it’s not that I don’t want to go to work , but I feel pissy when I’m there.  And it’s not fair to other people to be around someone with a bad attitude at work.  I don’t want to be in a bad mood, and I don’t want to feel angry.  In fact I want to be happy and helpful and have something to smile about at least most of the time.  I hope this is just a phase and that I will readjust and find myself happy again to be at work.

On Day who  knows what of the whole car fiasco. Hate absolutely hate relying on other people to drive me around, and hate absolutely hate feeling trapped.  Pissy that I may have to take a ridiculous finance rate  or buy a realy crapppy car.  I guess we’ll see, need one by the end of today otherwise who knows what I’m going to do.

You didn’t think I would let it go by without a blog now did you.  I saw Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince yesterday for the first time and I thought it was fabulous.  Of course I look at the Harry Potter  movies and Harry Potter books as two separate entities, because they could never exist equally together.  I think the writers and directors did a fabulous job interpreting an extremely long and detailed story and still getting the point across.  There were some things that were  missed that would have been nice to see, such as more in depth detail into Voldomort’s past and the story of his mother, but truth be told it just would not have fit properly into the directors vision.  And although I cried at the demise of Big D. I do wish  the funeral scene from the book would have been played out in a bit more detail in the film.  Otherwise no complaints from me, ok maybe just one. I think they should have left the arrival to Hogwarts scene alone and allowed Tonks to find Harry as they did in the book as opposed to Luna.  I loved it more so than I did The Order Of The Phoenix, and I am anxious to see it again and I of course dread the long wait until the release of number 7.1 and 7.2

Kandi

So I’ve been feel so blah lately.  Totally up and down, going to the doc tomorrow to have them check my meds. Hate absolutely hate being on medication that controls my moods, anyone else in the same boat knows what I mean, I hate having a “chemical imbalance”  Who came up with that term anyways.  It makes me sound like a science project gone arry.   On day 5 at work, one more to go and I can relax.  Rooms a mess need to find a way to orgainize it a little better.  Need a shelf I think that would realy help.  No man to speak of. Too chicken shit to tell the one I want that I want him, well I don’t know that he’s in a position to start a relationship, so part of it is being too chicken shit and another part is trying to respectful of him.  That’s life I suppose, always looking for the right time to make the right move and so on and so forth.  Hopefully things will get interesting soon and I’ll  have something exciting to talk about, until then I’ll just enjoy the peace and calmness of my life……